I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
