Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
