So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize