I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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