Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
