I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
