i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
