uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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