Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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