I think I died a long time ago.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
