Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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