you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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