YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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