just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize