Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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