those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
