He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
