I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
