508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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