I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
