Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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