Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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