yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
