Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
