i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
