I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
