Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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