I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
