You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
