Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
