You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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