I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
