ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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