You just made me feel so damn special
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
