cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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