Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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