Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
