im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
