Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hate all girls vehemently.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
