Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
