I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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