I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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