hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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