If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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