maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
