Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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