Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Shame - the story of my life.
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