I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
