I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
