Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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