You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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