i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize