U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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