Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
