Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
