Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
