I just made out with a guy for $7.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
