so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
