Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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