Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
