Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
