i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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