So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize