id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
