remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
