Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
