I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we have officially lost it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
