DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
