Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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