He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
