Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
