i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
