My underwear smells like fireworks.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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