do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
